Football Widow No More: Turning Game Day into Growth

Jay and K.C. on game day circa 2022

As I write this, the Cowboys–Eagles game is on in the background (game delay, and I learned about the tush push), and my husband is happily watching while sorting through baseball cards. In the photo for this post, you’ll see us in our Chiefs gear — because yes, even though I sometimes call myself a “football widow,” I still join him for the big games and enjoy the shared excitement.

For years, though, football season felt like a loss. From college games on Saturdays to pro games on Sundays (and of course Mondays and Thursdays…), it seemed like my husband disappeared into another world for months at a time. (I mean we still spent time together and did things - just less). I wanted him to have the joy of doing what he loves, but I didn’t share the same passion. Over time, I realized something important: those hours didn’t have to feel like a void. They could be a gift — an open invitation to create space for myself and spend that time doing what nourishes me.

Boundaries in Action

Early in our relationship, I thought being a supportive partner meant sitting through every game. But forcing myself to do that only built quiet resentment. With time, I learned to apply what I so often teach in my therapy practice: boundaries.

A boundary isn’t about shutting someone out — it’s about clarity and choice. For me, that meant deciding which games I wanted to join him for (the exciting rivalry games or playoff runs) and which ones I would bow out of. By giving myself permission to step back sometimes, I opened up space to use those hours for myself.

The Power of Individuality

That’s when the shift really happened: I stopped seeing football season as something that took my husband away, and started seeing it as a season that gave something back to me.

Now, while he’s immersed in the game, I use the time for what lights me up — curling up with a book, going to a yoga class, meeting a friend for coffee, working on creative projects, or getting a mani/pedi. I mean, who am I kidding? I do that year round. But really, during football season I do more of that and enjoy my time. By honoring my own individuality, I recharge, and I bring more energy and presence back into the relationship.

Connection by Choice

Paradoxically, when I stopped forcing myself to be there for every single game, I actually enjoyed the ones I did watch more. Those became intentional moments of connection — team gear on, snacks in hand, laughter, banter, and shared adrenaline.

That balance — his passion, my freedom, and our intentional overlap — makes us stronger. He gets to enjoy what fuels him, and I get to enjoy what fuels me.

The Bigger Lesson

Being a “football widow” turned out not to be about football at all. It was me learning:

• Boundaries protect love. Saying no to what drains you allows you to say yes with joy.

• Time apart can be time well-spent. The space we take for ourselves often deepens our connection.

• Individuality strengthens intimacy: Two whole people make a stronger partnership than two people who lose themselves in each other.

What started as frustration turned into a lesson: honoring our separate passions makes room for deeper connection. Football season taught me that individuality and intimacy don’t compete — they strengthen each other.

Interested in exploring your own relationship dynamics? Give me a call or book a consultation.

I look forward to hearing from you!